The past month has been HARD. So many emotions. So overwhelming. But not necessarily bad.
As most of you know I struggle with S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder) and I felt the funk settling in at the beginning of November. I mention that only because my S.A.D. is always kind of in the background (except for bad years when it is front and center) and can make other things seem more overwhelming than under normal circumstances.
Family Update
My oldest son has now left for his mission and is in Virginia. I am so proud that he has chosen to spend the next two years in the service of others. So incredibly proud. But my momma heart is breaking knowing that I won’t see him for so long. And it is breaking knowing I have officially moved into a new stage of parenting.
Change is hard and I don’t want to be in this stage. The stage where my kids start moving out. I want them all under my room playing games and laughing. How did the last 19 years go so fast?
I have decided I am going to give myself a month. One month to mourn the loss of this chapter in my life. Hopefully by then I can be at peace with it. If any of you mom’s have any advice on how to deal with this stage, and letting go so to speak, I’d love to hear it. It is so bitter sweet being sad and proud at the same time. Such an odd mix of emotions.
I do get to talk to him on Monday though and I am so excited! He’s going to give me a tour of his apartment. Man I am thankful for technology! Mondays are his P days (preparation days) where he will have a “day off” to do laundry, shopping, etc. This are the days he can email us an update and occasionally call.
My second oldest son has been building a cabin in my mom’s field. If you follow my instagram stories, then you have seen a few posts about it. The high school is currently doing an alternative days schedule due to Covid so he only goes to in person school a couple of days a week. Since he gets his work done early in the day on his off days, he has been spending a lot of time out there lately and I think that helps get his mind off of missing his brother.
I don’t have a current pic (he is almost done) but here some progress pictures from the past few weeks.
Other Updates
To keep myself busy, I accepted a campaign from TikTok to do 40 videos in a little over a month. I basically have to do a project/video a day. I have found pushing myself to get outside for a walk and doing lots of projects helps me stay out of a deep funk. I need sunshine and accountability :) So if you are on TikTok (its not all lip syncing and dancing) you should follow me and see all my projects and tips before they hit the blog.
I am finishing up decorating for Christmas today and tomorrow. I am not sure why I have dragged my feet this year. But I LOVE my these I chose and so do my boys. I will have that posted on Monday!
I had hoped that we would have the garage fixed up and in a position to be my winter workspace since it is too cold to use the driveway to paint and cut wood. Because we switched gears and put all our effort and money into the garage attic this summer, I don’t have a suitable space to use for projects while it’s cold. So, I am pausing the basement remodel (there has been a small amount of progress this Fall) so I can do large projects inside. The unfinished floors are perfect for painting things on. I swear this basement is never going to get done! But that is okay, because right now I need the work space more than an extra bedroom.
Lots of projects will be hitting the blog soon! I’m excited to stay busy this winter :)
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Stacy, changes with our children are always hard, I remember the first day of kindergarten for my youngest child hit me like a ton of bricks. You just have to go with it and hang on for a few years, and then surprise, someday soon you may get to be a GRAMMIE. This is absolutely the best thing in the world, just like being a mom again with a new baby, but you have more time, knowledge and patience. And it all goes so fast the older we get. Please enjoy every minute, you are a lucky mom to have four beautiful sons. I am a mom of sons only like you, and then guess what, I got a granddaughter!. That is really something fun and new. Good luck, and do the best you possibly can.
My older sister is a grandma now and it is fun to watch her in this new phase. She says the same thing :)
Hi Stacy! Let me first say what a good looking son you have. How proud you must be. I also suffer from S.A.D. and I know what a struggle it is. Our son died in a car accident 13 years ago and the best advice my mom gave me was to stay busy or all I would end up doing is sitting around and playing the self-pity me game. I know our stories are completely different but I feel it helps in every situation. But then again I had to stay busy when our kids were growing up and in school everyday. It sounds like you have a lot of projects to keep you busy so continue doing those. Remember to look forward to those phone calls! It’s something to get excited about. I know because my daughter calls me everyday on her way home from work and she only lives 15 miles away from us. May God Bless You today and everyday.
I’m so sorry about your son. I think keeping myself busy doing good things is just what I need. Your mom sounds very wise :)
I had my first phone call with my son and it was just what I needed!
Stacy, when our oldest son left home after high school, he was playing Junior A Hockey for two years before transferring to a college team. He was 6 hours away and living with a wonderful family, but I cried at least three of those hours after we dropped him off.
I remember being teary-eyed when I went to the grocery store because I didn’t have to buy as much food. I had to turn away when I saw high school kids playing soccer or frisbee. He would call twice a week and our youngest daughter would dissolve in tears every time he called because she missed him. That was my “wake-up” that he was on a long awaited adventure that was making him happy and it was time the rest of us were happy too. That was also when my sense of humor kicked in and I could relax and enjoy every minute we could get with him. I realized he had been elevated to sainthood when he left home and I smiled every time that thought entered my mind. There certainly were times when I didn’t think of him as a saint when he was home!
We traveled to some of his games that were driving distance away and loved hearing about his second family and how much they enjoyed having him with them. I felt teary-eyed every time he departed on his bus and departed with the rest of the family in our car, each to different destinations.
Time does wonderful things. He did play hockey at the University in our hometown and we loved having him close again. He’s all grown up now with three little boys of his own and we couldn’t be prouder of the risk taker he was and still is. He made the decision to move away and try to fulfill his dream of playing college hockey and did it. We made the adjustment of him inching away and have grown closer than ever before.
Give yourself time and then let your sense of humor kick in. It allows you to step back and celebrate how you’ve helped him shape who he wants to be. It’s a time of wonder for all!!
Yes, I got teary eyed when I only had to set 5 places at the table instead of 6. Little things like that will unexpectedly make me cry. Time will hopefully help.
I have a tip – well it has helped me immensely with SAD: Get the DAYLIGHT LEDs (you can find them online and at Walmart) bulb) and replace EVERY bulb in your home with them. They are CHEAP to USE, not necessarily to buy initially. However, I leave them on all day long and it feels like sunshine in my house and I have seen a noticeable difference in my downtime with SAD. Not to mention I can actually see better as well, lol. Let me know if this helps any.
You have a very handsome son, clearly one to be proud of. Blessings.
That is a great idea! I did order a special light to go by my desk but never thought to do the whole house!
Hi Stacy,
In addition to the “stay busy” comments below, what really helped me was to remind myself “this is what I raised them for”. After all, you don’t REALLY want kids that stay home long after they are an adult, right? So you’ve done something right in raising a child that wants to do what he is doing.
It’s good that he has time to call you, it really made me feel better to have kids that WANTED to stay in touch with Mom and Dad and WANTED to come home for a visit. Not all of them have such happy home lives that they stay connected that way.
Last but not least, you never know how things will turn out. I was super-sad when my oldest went to school in 2012, but after 4 years of undergrad and 2 years of grad school, he moved back home while looking for a job. Even after getting a job he is staying here because it saves him so much money on rent. Luckily we have a separate space (FROG – Finished Room Over Garage) for him to live. Even after getting married last year he is here and saving for a little while longer. So…make sure you have space in case they want to come home.
Take care of yourself! It’s good to “mourn” and stay busy, but most of all make sure you are feeding your soul and doing things you find fulfilling and make you happy.
It is what I want him to be doing. You are right. I want him there, even if I miss him terribly. Sunshine, the outdoors, and DIYing will get me through it :)
Dear Stacy,
We are blessed to have children that we can send out into the world, however hard it may be. That blessing means that they are physically and mentally capable and also that you have done your job well. If we look around we see parents who will never be able to release their children and God has allowed that also. Change is hard but we wouldn’t want less for our babies. Yes, they will always be our babies no matter how big and capable they become. Count your blessings!
So true :) <3
So hard. My niece Will be reporting in Jan. Best of luck and prayers as you process through this phase.
So exciting for your niece!