This blog post has been floating around my brain for a long time and I didn't know if it was worth writing down, but recently I got home from a blogging conference that stirred up these thoughts and I decided I was finally going to address this issue once and for all. Maybe someone will have some insight that I need to be able to push through these feelings and maybe, some of you are feeling the same way.
It started back when Shane was laid off for the first time. Some of you long term readers will remember that when the economy tanked, my husband's firm had to let go a lot of their staff. Shane being the last one hired, was on that list. Over the next three years he would be hired temporarily in the hopes of it becoming permanent only to be laid off again. Four lay offs later, I felt like I was constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. If things were going good, I couldn't enjoy it because in the back of my mind, something bad was just around the corner.
There have been moments here and there where I have brushed those fears aside and enjoyed the moment, but I have been surprised at how that feeling has stuck with me like a bad cold I can't seem to shake. The feeling has seeped into all areas of my life to the point that I am terrified of success. I feel like if I grow and succeed in my business, that some other part of my life will fall apart. For some reason I can't picture my business/financial part of my life being good at the same time as my health or personal/family life. You guys, this is sounding crazier and crazier as I type. I KNOW this sounds crazy, but it is how I feel and I am not sure how to get past it.
Every year I attend conferences that teach me skills that will help improve my blog. For the first few days I get super jazzed and want to run home and implement them right away. I think deep down I am self sabotaging because I never fully commit. I never fully push myself. There is always that fear that holds me back. I use excuses like "I am just not the schedule keeping type" or "I like to fly by the seat of my pants" but in reality, I am scared to buckle down and try harder.
Aside from prayer (which I am working on) I would love to hear any thoughts or ideas. If any of you have dealt with similar feelings, I would love to hear your story. If you don't feel comfortable with sharing in the comments, please feel free to email me at email@example.com.
I took the week off from blogging this week so I could reflect on what I learned at the conference and to figure out how to make them work for me. I also have been working on the bathroom a little bit. Projects help to calm me down :) I will be back next week with a bathroom update and hopefully a coupe of other projects. It is currently snowing so that may effect some of my projects.
I hope you have a wonderful weekend friends! I appreciate that this has always been a safe place to share our thoughts and feelings.
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