You may have noticed things have been quiet around here. I have not posted since last Tuesday. Part of that is because I have been trying to finish all the last details for my big family room reveal and part of it is some personal things happening on my side of the family that have been weighing heavily on my heart.
And then Friday happened.
Many bloggers are choosing to have a day of silence and many are planning to blog as usual. Both are totally fine but I don't think I can do either.
I learned when I lost my dad to cancer at 15 that everyone grieves differently. I also learned that some people judge you on how you mourn. But I promise you there is no "right way" to grieve. For me at this time in my life it helps to talk about it. So pardon me as I set aside all talk of home decor, and power tools for today.
The shooting at Sandy Hook school shook this nation. It shook me. I couldn't keep back the sobs all day and the next day I would tear up at the mention of it. I have a five year old kindergartener. I found out about the shooting minutes before I sent him to afternoon kindergarten. I could picture his class. Those sweet little faces, some of which still have their baby fat. So innocent and excited about Santa's upcoming visit.
And even the kids who survived will be forever changed. Christmas probably doesn't hold the same excitement as before. I know at least one of you had a child there that day.
Erin, I have prayed your little ones have not had nightmares. And I have prayed for all the other kids present that day.
When terrible things happen in the lives of those around me not only does it utterly break my heart but it puts my own life into perspective. I suddenly realize I took all those tiny things in my daily life for granted. Even the bad days have good things in them. It makes me want to keep my kids close and squeeze the crap out of them. It makes me want to be a better mom, and a better person.
This isn't anything mind blowing. I just needed to share what is on my mind. And like all parents who watched the news in horror, I am heart broken about their loss and I am praying for their comfort.
They have set up an official fund for donations through the United Way. I thought I would provide the link in case you wanted it. https://newtown.uwwesternct.org/
Bless you! I am feeling the same way. Things will never be the same.
Beautifully said Stacy. I have been trying to compose my thoughts to write my own post, but I can't yet seem to find the words. Every time I sit down to write, I cry and can't get out what I am trying to say. We all need to hug our babies a little tighter. I have a kindergartner as well and this morning when I sent him off to school I just cried. It can be so easy to get caught up in everything going on in life and not slow down to appreciate what we already have and what is right in front of us.
Lovely words...You are right. We all grieve differently. I have avoided the images and the news reports. And the negative bloggers that say we are all inherently evil. I beg to differ. There is still goodness in the world, and I just need to focus on that.
I am so glad you posted this Stacy. I had apprehensions for joining in the the day of silence thing for this reason. People do grieve differently and I didn't want any one to feel bad if they did not participate. I ended up loving the words that were written so I wanted to share them with my blog readers but thank you so so much for sharing this, what was bugging my heart but I wasn't sure how to articulate!
Beautifully stated.
Dear Stacy, thank you for sharing your thoughts! I'd like to offer some of mine own perspective. I was in CT visiting my mom in the nursing home and feeding her lunch. I see her only every few months and she has a rare old age disease that is causing her body to turn in on itself. Her hands are not able to hold anything, not even mine. But I still touch her lovely face and rub her shoulders—she’s my loving mom. I had just told her was a pleasure it was for me to do this for her and her bright blue eyes reached deep into my very soul as she replied, “Thank you!" Then everything changed! The TV interrupted us and I found it difficult to focus. I have worked in education for 20 years. I have been in lock down. It takes courage to work with all ages of children and be so positive. But the little ones are really something special. I believe it is their innocence.
To have someone rip that away scares the heck out of us all--if we only focus on that! We cannot allow ourselves to be stuck in that moment forever. We must live it, grieve it, endure it, feel it and eventually heal from it. Some will never accept this. I am one of those people. I hate injustice and live life every day trying to be that better person we all hope to be. May we all learn to try to be -- for the children’s sake!
Beautifully said.
Thank you for articulating so well what we aswell are feeling. I have been a blubbering mess since Friday. My youngest daughter is 6 years old and I can't even begin to imagine the hell those parents are going through. I feel devastated, heartbroken and grief stricken. I feel it will take us all a very long time to heal from this one.
I have been silent too, for many of the same reasons. Just getting ready for Christmas. And, nothing I write about seems very important this week. I am so very thankful that that little boy stuck in the hallway was pulled in to safety. My son's elementary school was once in lockdown, the custodian had seen someone with a rifle very near the school. My boy was trapped in the open, he was outside the classroom and was locked out of class and no one would let him back in. I thank God nothing happened that day. My sweet baby is in college now. I'm so, so sad that 20 parents have been robbed of the same happy outcome. And for all the others whose lives will never be the same.
Amen, sister! Thank you for sharing your heart with us! It is true that everyone grieves differently and that people judge you for how you grieve.